How to bribe (the right way)... ;)

Many people are not aware how to bribe 'correctly' and not get caught. Here are some 'proven' methods:

1. Over the table/counter (give money directly into the person's hand/s):- can be done only in closed room with trusted crony or done in the public (you won't believe how ignorant the people besides you of what you're doing)...
2. Under the table:- given indirectly for example hidden in files; application forms; actual fees plus 'service charge'; 'lost' your money due to 'misplacement'; concealed in match/cigarette box; etc.
3. Wired (into bank account):- can claim "I have no idea how it gets there!" until the time they're forced to declare their assets/account. ;)
4. Wireless: for example you could always save your money from prepaid reload or bill payment by asking someone to pay first then 'forget' to repay later...
5. Proxy (not to self): lend the money to the family, buy shares/properties in high price then sell in low price...
6. Connection: if you somehow have some influence with corrupted authority, they may close one eye on your activity, or at least look the other side when you're doing it...
7. Brute force: if somehow you've connection with powerful ally or you yourself are powerful you might choose to bully you way around with threat or 'generous' offer...
8. Infection: if you could somehow drag someone else into bribery, you could lower your 'whistle-blower' count because if they reveal you they implicate themselves.
9. Mass/Smoke screen: give gifts to all will conceal the slightly more gifts to the intended person e.g. send boxes of oranges to certain office/department and one special box to the head of office...
   
10. Other types/forms of bribery: for example "sedekah seks" (sexual bribery/'gift'), even if get caught can always claim promiscuity or consensual (only one moron actually say the word "sedekah" (gift/donation)); other example can let the person to 'sample' (not given) rare delicacies e.g. food/drinks/tobacco etc. during visit to the briber's house/office...
    

Warning: Bribery may cause you:-

1. Losing the ability to exercise unbiased Judgment.
2. Failure in executing Duty.
3. Violation of your Oath and Trust.
4. Involvement of other Crimes.
5. Losing your self-respect bit by bit (if you still have some conscience).
   
6. Punishable by the Law.
7. Punishable by God!

--Cheers (Hey, don't look so gloomy!) :)